i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
