i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
