VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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