I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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