If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
