things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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