Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
