Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
