take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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