The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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