yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
