we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
