Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
