I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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