he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
