my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
