This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
