he shaved USA in his pubs
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
