i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
