i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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