i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
