oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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