I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
