Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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