I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
