do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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