this beer tastes like vomit already
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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