the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
