hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
