They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You've changed since you got that strap on
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
