i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
