I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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