the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
