A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
