Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize