Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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