pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize