Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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