This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
