Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
