I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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