every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
