The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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