Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
