I cockslap morals
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He did a backflip because drugs
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
