You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
