I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Fuck appropriateness.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
