My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
