we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize