Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We left an ass print on the piano.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I didn't notice because vodka
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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