There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
