He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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