awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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