Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
