I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
