I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
