is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm both gender and math confused
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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