You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
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