U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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