A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize