I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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