sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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