I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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