Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
