were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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