Don't make out with my wife yet
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
